


Self-worth

by Pkimmey32



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Girl Penis, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:42:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pkimmey32/pseuds/Pkimmey32
Summary: Emma feels like she should have a penis, it's a journey for Emma to get to the mental place she needs to be to love and accept herself.Not to good with summary's but I hope you read...
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 52
Kudos: 231





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I may bring Regina in on the next chapter, it may be friends to lovers, lol
> 
> I am not a psychologist or never been to one so if there is mistake I am sorry, I also don't know if it a psychologist she needed or a councelor or therapists, so again I'm sorry for any mistakes..

"Emma swan" the blond doctor called.

Yeah, that's me, Emma Swan, age 30 and here to see a psychologist for something I should have figured out ages ago, but I didn't, I'm just oblivious swan, I wonder if anyone ever gave me that nickname? I am really oblivious but then again I probably never paid attention to myself, always trying to please other's and fit into who they want me to be, never mind, I guess thats why I'm here.

Emma stood up and nervously started walking to the doctor who she know see on the name tag is doctor Kathryn Nolan.

I wonder if she had to have first and last name, on grey's they went by last name but then again that's a show and they are surgeons, well actors who plays surgeons….

"Hi, I'm Emma" Emma greeted nervously once she reached the doctor.

Kathryn just smiles reassuringly, " hi, I'm doctor Kathryn Nolan but you could call me Kathryn" she said holding her hand out to be shaked.

Emma reached her hand out and grabbed on to Kathryn's to shake, she is still nervous but feels a bit better know that that's out of the way.

"Now I know you are nervous and it's understandable" Kathryn starts as she starts walking to her office with Emma following, " and I want you to know that you are not the only one who feels the way you do, now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I know how you feel but I do deal with these things and there is no judgement here and I want you to feel safe here to express yourself" Kathryn said, she never really give speeches like this but she felt Emma needed it.

"Thank you"Emma said as they entered the office.

"No problem, you can set anywhere, just get comfortable, it's easier to talk when your comfortable" the doctor said.

Emma stood there looking around and found a purple chair that looks comfortable and big enough to lift her feet under her thighs like she always sets, in the corner so she went over there and put her hand on the back of it then gave the doctor a questionable look which the doctor nodded with a smile, Emma smiled back and dragged the chair closer to Kathryn.

They sat in silence for a while after they were seated and Kathryn told her to begin when she is ready.

"Soooo, um, I don't think I'm a boy or a boy in a girls body, I know I am and was supposed to be a girl but…." Emma took a deep breath, "I feel like I should have been born with a penis" she said in a rush.

Kathryn nods and gives her a proud smile, "that's good, great, you just took a big step in admitting this, how does it feel now that you have?"

"Really good and also scared" Emma admitted.

Kathryn leaned forward to regard Emma, "and what are you scared of?"

Emma sighed and adjusted herself on the chair, she can't believe she is talking about this, she hasn't said anything to anyone since she was little and that was a mistake.

"I don't know why I needed to talk to anyone, I'm just some crazy girl who doesn't fit in any group or stereotype, I'm just a big messed up crazy person who thinks she should of had a penis, some reject from a reject sperm," Emma ranted while fiddling with her fingers and looking to the floor.

Emma never had anyone to talk to, she moved around a lot and never had anyone who cared enough to listen to her and she lived with people that just thought all here feelings didn't matter so she kept things bottled up until she had someone's full attention apparently.

Kathryn took on a serious face, "Emma, there is No one in this world that fits in a box and if you see that then it's a lie, their are judgemental, selfish, hurtful scrums in this world and it seems you might have grown up with some but let me tell you, you are not crazy, messed up or a reject, you have a right to feel how you feel, you have the right to feel comfortable in your own skin and Emma you have the right to be love and that starts with you loving yourself" Kathryn said staring Emma in her teary eyes.

Emma nodded, she can't speak right now do to the lump in her throat, she reach twitch her sleeve covered hand and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Before you go today I want to give you a list of things I want you to practice, don't worry, this is a process so I'm not gonna overwhelm you with a huge list, you think you would be up to it?Kathryn asked, wanting it to be Emma's decision.

Emma nodded, "I can try" she answered in a horse voice.

Kathryn beamed at her, "great, I'll get you that list.  
______________________________________

Yup, broke down at my first appointment, also yes I feel like I should have a penis and if you didn't catch on, yes I am a foster child or I was until I aged out, the list, well it's foreign to me, love myself, yeah that might be a lot of work.

The list  
1)Pick out stuff about you that is interesting or the best part of you and focus on that

2)Look in the mirror telling yourself your beautiful and strong

3)Buy some man briefs and wear them often and if you are comfortable get a strap on to wear for a day.

Hmm interesting, I don't know how to feel about this, someone is actually taking what I say seriously.

Emma is sitting on her couch with the list in her hand thinking about her next move, suddenly she gets up, grabbed her coat and keys and out the door she goes heading to a clothing store, she made her choice to follow the list.

To be continued…...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this with a lot of noise around so let me know how I did, I'm good with criticism, it'll help me do better, thank you for reading!

Now Emma is standing in the men's section at a clothing store looking at the briefs dumbfounded.

So now I am here not knowing what size to get or which briefs are comfortable, I am embarrassed to even be in this section, here's the thing, when I was younger and caught in any type of men's clothes….. Let's just say I never tried again.

So now I'm here looking for briefs, men briefs at that to fulfill the list I was giving, ok so yeah I'm also excited, it's another step forward, my heart is in my throat right now…

"Hey, can I help you" a girl with long black hair with red streaks in her hair asked scaring Emma out of her thoughts.

Emma spun around and looked at the girl, heart pounding and not finding her words.

So I'm frozen, what the hell am I going to do, she is going to think I'm weird or a freak…

"This should do it for killian" a woman with short dark hair and tanned skin said handing Emma a package, and Emma still dumbfounded just grabbed it and held it to her chest in a tight grip, "Thank you miss, I think we got what we need," she said and the girl with red streaks smiled and walked away, the other woman turned to Emma and smiled genuinely.

"I'm sorry, it's just you seemed to be struggling and I wanted to help, my name is Regina" she said holding out her hand to be shaken.

Emma shakes her head coming out of her stupor, she looked at Regina with her mouth still slightly parted, she outstretched her hand to shake the offered one and cleared her throat.

"Uh, I'm...im Emma, Emma Swan, thank you for saving me back there," Emma said not knowing what else to say.

So that just happened, I froze then I was handed a package of men briefs by a woman I don't know, a hot woman at that, a hot woman who seemed to read me, good Lord I'm bound to have a heart attack at the end of this day.

"No problem, I know a lot of people are embarrassed to buy underwear, do you want me to go with you to pay for it?"she asked.

Is she in Angel? This woman……

"N no, I'm ok, I might have to brave this one," Emma said, she feels her cheeks redden and hope it's not noticeable.

"Ok, good luck, hope to see you around," Regina said, winked then walked away.

"Thank you Regina" Emma hollered behind Regina.

Regina looked over her shoulder and smiled a toothy smile," sure thing," she said then walked away further without anymore interruptions.  
______________________________________

Wearing boxer's is quite comfortable actually, I had came home took a shower then opened the package of the briefs, surprisingly they fit perfectly, Regina must have known it was for me, I don't know how to feel about that, I guess I'm a bit relieved there was no judgment, now I'm in front of a mirror with a white tank top and a blue brief on staring at myself smiling.

Hmm good things about myself:  
1)Ok I have good skin.  
2)I'm at a healthy weight.  
3)hmm, I have good hair.

That's all I have for now but I guess that's a start so I repeat those 3 things at least 5 times then the rest of the time admiring the man briefs, I'm imagining what it would be like to have a penis inside them.

I still have a lump in my throat, it's good though, it's a good emotion, ok so I might be a baby in this whole process but at least I'm facing it now.  
_____________________________________

Emma woke up the next morning feeling a bit freer, she knows she has a long way to go but this is a great start, waking up in her briefs brought a smile to her face.

Maybe I should buy a strap on after all….

Emma gets up and dressed, she left her still clean briefs on and put on a loose fitting jeans and green t-shirt over her tank, she decided she is going to the new diner she herd about from her co workers.

She grabbed her jacket, shoved it on, grabbed her keys then left for breakfast.  
______________________________________

This diner is a nice place though I this is the first small town I lived in and don't know about other small town diners, I'm gonna still say this could be the best, I wonder if the food is just as good? Guess I have to see..

Emma went to a more secluded booth because though No one can see pass her jeans she is still conscious of the brief under them.

Calm down swan, this is a part of you, accept it.

Emma took a deep calming breath and sat down in the booth and reached for the menu as a waitress came over.

"Hi I'm Ashley, I well be for server today, can I get you something to drink?" She asked politely.

"I'm sure, do you have lemon tea" Emma asked.

"Sure do, do you want sweet or unsweeten?" She asked.

"Sweet, thank you" Emma said with a polite smile then Ashley was off to get her her drink, Emma looked at the menu again when the bell above the diner door wrong signaling a new arrival and Emma heard the cutest little voice.

"Momma, someone sittin in ares boot" the little brown hair boy said said pointing to where Emma is sitting, Emma looked up and gasped a little.

Right in front of her is someone familiar, someone she thought she'd only see once, someone who she thought she'd never see again, the same person who is smiling at her now.

"May we sit with you Emma?"

To be continued…...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the boy is young so he doesn't pronounce stuff properly yet....lol


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put E: in front of Emma's thoughts because I noticed that how I write it doesn't show when I post it so I'm sorry if it confused before

E:Yes, Regina is standing in front of me with the cutest little boy ever grinning at me like we've known each other for more than a day asking if they can sit with me, I am bound to have that heart attack, seriously this woman….

"Umm, yeah sure" Emma said gesturing to the seats in front of her.

Regina helped her son in the booth then slid in herself, "Thank you and I'm sorry about Henry, ever since this place opened we came her every morning besides Sunday and adopted this booth" Regina explained with an apologetic smile.

"Oh it's ok and I'm sorry, I can move if you'd like…." Emma said about to get up but felt a hand on her forearm to halt her, she looked up to Regina to see her head shaking.

"No, please sit, we don't mind, do we Henry?" She questioned her son as she looked his way and he shakes his head.

"Nope, you pwetty" he said pointing at Emma with a big smile making his momma blush a little.

She cleared her throat and looked back at Emma as Emma settled back down with her own blush "see, the little man has spoken" Regina said with another smile.

E:And now I'm having breakfast with her, would I be able to eat with a lump this size?? Who am I kidding, I'm a bottomless pit…

"Thank you, nice to meet you, Henry and thank you for thinking I'm pretty, how old are you" Emma asked.

E:This could be good, I'm better talking with kids than adults, why? Because adults make me nervous, especially ones as beautiful as this kids mother, yeah, better keep that to myself…

"I tis miny" he said holding up 2 and a half fingers trying to hold the third one up.

Emma fakes gasp, "Oh my, your a big boy, aren't you?" Emma asked and he nods enthusiastically.

" yup, I big" he said then giggled.

E:Ok know what, I'm literally rolling my eyes at myself mentally, am I really that bad in talking to people?

"Anyway, I want to also apologize if I seem creepy, or act like I've known you forever…."

E:Wait, can she read minds, no probably not because I never thought she was creepy.

"...but you remind me of someone I knew and I guess I'm more sentimental than I thought," Regina said as she laughed at herself shaking her head a little.

E:Awe Sweet!!!

"No no, your good, it's actually a good thing because I really don't have friends.. Well except friends from work but that's about it.." Emma said than trailed off not knowing what else to say.

E:I don't know why I said all that, she must think I'm pathetic or something, I swear I have I case of diarrhea from the mouth syndrome, I wonder if that's a thing.

Just then the waitress came over to take their drink order and when they are done Regina looks at her, "they must be busy today, they never take this long to get to you," Regina commented.

Emma shrugged because she doesn't know, they talked and ate the rest of the time there, of course Regina had to pick topics though it seemed that it wasn't hard for her, she good at talking though she isn't one of those people who talk to much that it gets annoying, which is just fine with Emma, of course Henry would get their attention on whatever he deems good enough or cool enough at the moment and would go to color on the color paper he got from the waitress, it's was the best morning Emma had in well…ever  
______________________________________

E:I'm now at home in front of the mirror the same way I was last night thinking about breakfast time I had with Regina, I still didn't get her last name though I never asked, I also didn't ask for her number so I may never see her again unless I keep going to that diner, I didn't even asked about Henry's father, I don't know if she is married, divorced, engaged or even has a boyfriend or girlfriend, why didn't I look at her finger? Because I'm weird, awkward, stupid…

E:Oh no my thoughts are going down hill, ok focus, good skin, good hair, weight, good skin, good hair, good weight..

Emma repeated those three things and tried forcing the negativity out.

E:Hmm, maybe I should buy a strap on.. But I don't want to go to the sex store, god I don't want them judging me, I'll go on wish, that simple, I'll just talk to Kathryn about my reasons.  
______________________________________

It's been a week since Emma's last appointment with Kathryn and today is the next one, she hasn't seen Regina yet though she also hadn't went to the diner, afraid of seeming like a stalker.

E:Yeah, a lesbian stalker who was an orphan and who thinks she should have been born with a penis, who is also seeing a therapist because I want to actually feel comfortable with it and eventually get the surgery.

E:Yeah who is gonna want me as a girlfriend? Talk to Kathryn Emma, calm down.

"God I'm crazy for my mind telling itself to calm down.." Emma whispered to herself rolling her eyes at herself sitting in the waiting area.

"Emma Swan," Kathryn called, Emma stood up then walked towards her," are you ready" Kathryn asked with a warm smile.

"Yeah" Emma breathed out as she followed Kathryn to her office.

When they got there Emma's chair is right in front of Kathryn's.

E:My chair!!! Yes, one day and that is already my chair, I like Kathryn, she is awesome!

Emma smiled, "Thank you," she said as she sat down with her feet under her butt and Kathryn also sat down in her own chair.

"No problem, ok so before we get started I want an update on your homework list," Kathryn said.

"Well I bought some briefs and I put them on, I stand in the mirror to look at myself with them on and I have three positive things I say in my head at that time, " Emma said shyly.

Kathryn smiled encouragingly, " that's good, I want you to try to voice those things out loud this week, how are you feeling from this last week to before?" Kathryn asked.

"Well I feel a bit better…. Um I met someone, I mean someone who could be a friend but I didn't get her number, I know where she gets breakfasts but I don't want to seem stalkeresh…." Emma admitted with a red face.

E:I don't know why I told her this, maybe because it's good to tell your therapist everything that's going on?? Oh well it's out.

Kathryn smiled reassuringly, "that's great though you don't have to feel that way, that's how we make friends, we take steps to talk to them, we take steps to make these friends, I encourage you to go to that place again and if she is there, then ask to join her, get her number, if she turns you down then it's her lost, just don't let the fear to keep you from trying," Kathryn said sincerely," did you buy a strapon?" She asked like She is talking about the weather.

E:She really just said strapon out loud, my god this is embarrassing...

Emma blushed at hearing those words out load and so boldly.

"Ummm, I order one online, it should be in soon, umm I didn't want to go to the ss…" Emma cleared her throat," sex store, I didn't want to be judged," Emma finished shyly fiddling with her fingers.

"That's alright I understand, last week I asked you something that you didn't answer and I want to ask it again, do you remember what it was?" Kathryn asked.

E:Of course I do, I've been dreading being asked that again, it's a part of my past I don't want to dwell in...ugh.

Emma took a deep breath," umm, yeah, you asked why I was afraid after saying that I I ffeel," Emma took a deep breath and mentally rolled her eyes at herself for stuttering.

E:Get it together.

"You asked why I was afraid after saying I feel like I should have been born with a penis," Emma said embarrassed.

Kathryn nodded encouragingly, " yes, and I know it's hard to talk about and I don't want to push you, I want to tell you though once you talk about it, you would be able to heal from it," she said with an apologetic smile.

E: Of course she is right, I'm going to have to heal from this so I can start to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Emma took a deep breath, "I know, your right, well I was an orphan and in and out of foster homes, when I was little in a foster home I remember telling the mom in that home that I should have the boy parts that other boys have, I knew I was a girl but I wanted to pee like a boy, she looked at me like I was some kind of monster or something, she told me that I'm a girl and I should never say stuff like that again that it's an abomination, of course at the time I didn't know what that meant, but the look on her face scared me so I never said anything like that again,"

"When I got a bit older I had dreams that I had a penis and I'd wake up smile until I woke up more and wondered what was wrong with me, I kept these things to myself, I was already being bullied for being different, I couldn't add to that…" Emma had tears in her eyes as she finished, she was so lost in memory she didn't realize she was crying until she tasted her tears as it got in her mouth.

"Oh Emma, you don't ever have to feel that way again, you are not an abomination, you are who you are and you deserve to be that person you know you are and you deserved to me loved, let people in to do just that, because you are loveable, nothing is wrong with you, you hear me? Nothing is wrong with you, you are a woman who should of had a penis and would have one at some point because that is who you are and you are a beautiful person, don't let others tell you otherwise," Kathryn said passionately.

Emma just nods with tears still pouring down her face, she can't speak right now because of the lump in her throat.

E: God those lumps...is this going to happen every time I come in here?

To be continued……..


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me no what you think, I think this chapter is longer then usual, I had to stop somewhere though, I write slow so it takes me just about all day just for a chapter...well a chapter this size,lol

E: After my tearfilled time with Kathryn, I felt drained, god why do I have to go through this, because you want to be comfortable in my own skin, duh.

"Ok I'm answering myself in my own head again" Emma said in a low voice shaking her head at herself.

E: I went to get some ice cream, soda and pizza, my comfort food, it's like Kathryn tells me the same thing but at the same time it feels like it's my first time hearing it.

Emma got home with her hot and ready pizza in one hand, a bag with the ice cream on her wrist and a 12 pack of cream soda in her other hand, though she had to set that on the floor by the door so she could unlock and open it, when she does, she picked the soda up, walked inside then kicked her door shut before setting all the items on the counter.

She went to pick a movie, a comedy because that's what she needs right now, sat a blanket up, grabbed the pizza and soda, sat them on the couch cushion, wrapped the blanket around herself, sat down, pushed play and started on the comfort food.

During the third movie, four pieces of pizza, two soda's and a bowl of ice cream later, Emma fell asleep.  
______________________________________

Two days later and Emma still hasn't gone back to the diner, though she has a reason for that.

She is waiting on her package that has actually came that morning, she wants to have the strap on on when she meets Regina again, not because she plans on getting intimate with her nor is she even planning to tell Regina about her feelings on who she is or about the strap on, she wants to feel a bit more herself, who she really is while meeting her again.

Emma decided to wear the strap on, her briefs and go out to public today before going to the diner tomorrow morning.

She decided to go to the mall, what better place to test her emotions then a mall??

E: I am in front of the mirror staring at my penis, my hot pink penis, why that color? Well because it is my favorite color of course, I'm staring at my hot pink penis that I have strapped to me, ok so I don't know what to feel right now.

E: I am amazed, overwhelmed and other emotions I can't name right now, I can actually imagine a real penis their, ok, time to get the show on the road and stop getting so emotional.

Emma started getting dressed, she had went out the other day to buys some baggy jeans, so she dressed in jeans, white tank and a Jean jacket.  
______________________________________

E: Ok so I'm here, at the mall standing outside feeling exposed, can they see through my pants?

Emma looks down to the spot that the penis is.

E: Nope, it's not showing, ok Emma, take a deep breath, hold your head up high and put one foot in front of the other, breath in, breath out and here we go.

Emma took deep breaths and walked in, at first she glanced around to see if anyone is looking at her, their not so she held her head up high and walked further in, she just went to different departments and window shopped, she might of actually got a few things like earrings and her vanilla and cinnamon perfume.

Emma is in a book store when she bumped in to someone.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going" Emma said looking up to find the girl who asked to help her in the man's section.

E: Oh no, I think my face is completely red, that's the girl I froze in front of and now she is grinning at me like we are best friends.

"Oh, she does talk" she said teasingly.

"Um uh, huh?" Emma said confused.

The girl snorted, "when I asked if you need help, you stared at me like I stole your boyfriend...or girlfriend" the girl teased with a wink.

"Oh um uhh.. Sor sorry?" Emma said feeling out of sorts.

"Oh you have nothing to apologize for, I understand, name's Ruby, should have told you that last week, that was my second day on the job so.. sorry for not being professional" Ruby said with a shrug, she then grinned at Emma again.

"Oh, um, it's ok, I was caught off guard" Emma shrugged with a soft smile of her own.

"Sooo?" Ruby said looking on expectantly.

"Um, what?" Emma asked confused.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe your name" Ruby laughed.

"Oh" realization dawned on her, "Emma, Emma Swan" she said stretching her hand out to shake.

Ruby still grinning shook her hand, "nice to meet you, so hey, my girlfriend and I are new in town and looking for couples to hang out with, you should give me your number so us four could hang out sometime" Ruby said confusing Emma again.

"The four of us?" Emma asked with a scrunched up face.

"Yeah, me, Bell, you and that hot chick that you where with at the store" Ruby said in a duh tone.

"Oh, umm, well…." Emma was cut off.

"No need to be shy, here put your number in my phone" Ruby said handing Emma her phone.

Dumbfounded Emma just did what she was told and handed the phone back without a word.

"Thanks, can't wait to hang out, I have to go, see ya," Ruby said in a rush as she walked hastily away leaving a dumbfounded Emma behind.

E: What. The. Hell. Just happened? I bumped into a girl who I embarrassed myself in front of a week ago, gave my number, and I also have a girlfriend? No, I don't have a girlfriend, but for some reason I didn't correct Ruby about it, oh good grief.  
______________________________________

It's the next morning and Emma is dressed in black baggy Jean that is covering her blue briefs which is also covering her penis,yes, she is wearing her penis.

She has on a blue button up shirt and her black leather jacket to complete her outfit.

She grabbed her phone, keys and her beanie, she left her apartment, got in her bug and drove to the diner.  
______________________________________

E: Deep breaths, in, out, head up, this is who you are.

Emma walked in the diner, like she did yesterday at the mall, she glanced around to see if anyone is looking, there is, but not like she was afraid of, the people looking at her just glanced that way to see who walked in, then? That's it, they looked away and mind their own business, all accept one, the one who is still looking at her, the one who is smiling big at her.

Emma walked to that same booth that she sat in last week.

"Hey, so I was given some advice to take steps towards friendship, so can I sit with you guys" Emma asked Regina timidly.

E: seriously, I had to start with that, oh my god I'm screwed, she is going to think I'm an idiot now, an idiot with no friends, well I am an idiot with no friends but I didn't want her to think less of me because of it….

"Of course you can, that is some great advice you got there" Regina said warmly still with that smile.

"Hi Eemma, you pwetty totay, you sit wit me" Henry said excitedly.

"Thank you, I didn't mean to sound pathetic just then" Emma said apologetically as she sat next to Henry.

"None sence, in fact I was beginning to wonder if we would see you again" Regina admitted.

"Oh, yeah, we never exchanged phone number or anything and I didn't want to seem like a stalker" Emma admitted with a blush.

"Well I'm glad you are here now and I'm glad you not a stalker" Regina teased with a wink and got a little smile out of Emma.

"Me too, I gad you not a tokker too Eemma" Henry said getting the attention on him.

With that they both laughed at his adorableness.

To be continued………...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, sorry about the delay, I have a beta but do to the fact I'm using my phone for all of this it's hard to send her the copy of the whole chapter to work on, so until I get a laptop, I can't use her,I do want to say this though she already knows, I do really appreciate her!
> 
> please let me know what you think of this chapter? And thank you for sticking with this story!

"Oh, umm, I was wondering who Killian is" Emma asked randomly.

E: great, you dummy, couldn't be any smoother? I wonder why she even let me sit with her.

Regina looked confused for a few seconds then it dawned on her, she laughed, " oh, he is my brother" she said still smiling," all this time you wondered who that name belonged to?" She asked in amusement.

E: Now this is the time she politely gets up and dismiss herself and her son because I'm such a dummy…..orrrr maybe not.

"Umm, kinda, yeah, I'm just kind of a curious person I guess" Emma said looking down.

"Hey" Regina said as she gently put her hand on top of Emma's, "no it's good to be curious, it ok, really, I was just teasing," Regina gave her a reassuring smile when Emma looked up.

E: Beautiful smile, I have to get it together, I want her to want to be around me more. 

Emma smiled back enjoying the warmth of the hand that is on hers, at that moment she noticed movement beside her and she looks to notice small hands on top of Regina's hand, she smile bigger than before, then they started laughing at the cuteness while Henry laughed because they were laughing.

After a while, when they settled in a comfortable silence, Emma started to squirm in her seat.

E: Damn Kathryn…

"Are you alright?" Regina asked concerned.

Emma looked up with bug eyes. "Ye-yeah, yeah, I'm fine" Emma said trying to smile reassuringly but failed.

"Are you sure? You look like your in pain,"

"No, I'm fine, cramps," Emma lied with a shrug, Regina looks like she isn't convinced but she lets it go.

E: what else was I gonna say? 'Oh sorry, I'm chafing from the strap on i'm wearing because I feel closer to who I am with it'…. Oh my god I'm wearing a strap on while sitting next to a kid..

"Emma!"

E: Am I perverted?

"Emma!"

E:God what kind of person am I?

"Miss Swan" 

Emma's head shot up to meet Regina's concerned eyes," are you sure your alright?"

"Ye-yeah, umm I have to go to the bathroom" Emma said while hastily getting up and rushing to the bathroom pulling her phone out.

As soon as she entered the bathroom she looked to see if anyone was there, it's clear so she went into the biggest stool and dialed Kathryn's number.

"Hello" Kathryn answered.

"Am I a pervert?" Emma blurted out on the verge of a panic attack or so it seems.

"Emma? Ok first calm down, take a deep breath with me and let it out slowly" Kathryn said then took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, Emma followed, "ok, that's good, now tell me what's going on" Kathryn demanded kindly.

"Ok so you know that thing you suggested I do along with wearing men's briefs?" Emma asked.

Kathryn had to think a bit then it dawned on her, " Yes, the strap on…" Kathryn said waiting on Emma's point.

"Well, I'm wearing now…. In public" Emma said pausing to see what Kathryn says.

Kathryn nodded along and when Emma paused she realized Emma's waiting on her, "ok, this is what we talked about doing eventually…"she trails off waiting for Emma to continue.

"Yeah well I am having breakfast with Regina and her 3 year old son, I was sitting next to him while I'm wearing something very adult.." Emma said with a teary voice.

"Ok, I get where your head is at now, do you wear a bra under your shirt?" Kathryn asked.

"Yes" Emma answered confused.

"Do you wear panties under your pants?"

"Yes"

"Do are you wearing the strap on for sexual reasons?"

"NO, you know that"

"I do, what do you think would be inside your pants if you were born with a penis? What do you think you'll have when you go through surgery?" Kathryn asked not expecting an answer, she understands Emma, being in foster care herself, she understands all the insecurities and on top of the normal foster kid insecurities, you have the being different then the other foster kids piled on you as well.

Emma thought about what Kathryn said and relaxed, she is right, Emma feels tears pricked in her eyes because Kathryn said "WHEN" instead of "IF" on her having a surgery, Kathryn believes in her.

"Tha-thank you Kathryn" is all Emma could think to say with a rough, cracked voice while her mind is reeling with emotions.

"No need to thank me, I'm happy to help, now go back out there and make a friend out of this woman and herson," Kathryn said encouragingly.

"Ok, bye, see you friday"

"See you then, bye" Kathryn replied before hanging up.

Emma puts her phone in her pocket and took a deep breath before walking out of the stall to come face to face with Regina, concerned eyes, folded arms and ankle leaning her bottom on the sink.

E: Shit, shit, shit, how long was she there.

Regina unfolded her arms and ankle and pushed herself off of the sink and walked towards Emma, "hey, are you ok?"

Emma smiled a little, "yeah, I am now, um how much did you hear?" She asked looking down.

Regin used you index and middle finger to pull Emma's head back up so to look at her, "to be honest I hear a few no's and a thank Kathryn and a bye and something about meeting on friday" Regina answered and Emma sagged relieved.

"I'm sorry for freaking out and possibly ruining breakfast"Emma said ashamed.

"Hey, no you didn't ruin anything, we well go back out there and relieve Ashley from Henry and finest breakfast together, but before that I want to say that I like you, that friend I told you about that you remind me of, I wasn't there for him and that was the biggest mistake I've ever made, I want to be here for you, I know we just met but I feel like we could be really good friends, so when you are ready, I'm here to listen, before we leave well exchanged numbers, is that good with you?" Regina asked, looking at Emma expectantly.

All Emma could do is nod with all the emotions swirling inside her.

E: Seriously though, what is up with everyone caring about me lately, I wonder if its the town, or its in the water, I wonder what happened with this friend of Reginas, I want to ask but when she talked about him there was I said look in her eyes..

"Good, let enjoy the rest of our breakfast, come on" Regina said grabbing Emma's wrist and dragging her to the table to relieve Ashley and enjoy each other's company.

All thoughts of the forming rash and thoughts of her being a pervert long gone and in its place is the feeling of being cared for and accepted.

E: Maybe Regina would accept me once I tell her, maybe she already knows, she seems very perceptive, either way I'm gonna get to know her better before I drop the P bomb.

To be continued………..


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while, I sometimes go through my depression moments where I don't want to do anything but read, sleep, eat and repeat...
> 
> please let me know what you think, this is my first time doing this on my laptop so I'm sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> comments motivate me so please be nice, lol

"I'm sorry Emma, I should have been more specific on what i wanted you to do, wearing a strap-on all day as you now know  
was not i good idea but I'm glad that you gained the confidence we were aiming for" Kathryn said with a grin at Emma.

Emma had a small smile of her own, "Its ok, I should have known anyway, it just felt so right and it kinda put me on a high,  
I felt more myself then I ever had in my lfe, i know its not the real thing and im probably crazy but other then that freak  
out i had.....it just felt closer to who I am then I ever felt" Emma said with a smile and tears in her eyes.

Kathryn leaned forward with a small smile and put her hand on Emma's knee "I understand and I'm glad it worked as planned,  
I recommend not wearing the strap on until your healed then try maybe a couple of hours a day if you still think you need  
the confidence, I just don't want you to be dependent on it, I know it makes you feel more yourself and I am happy that it  
it does but like you said, its not the real thing" Kathryn said with a supportive smile.

Emma nodded taking it all in, she can do this, she knows she can, sometimes it just feels so surreal to her that this is  
happening, that she is taking steps to become who she really is, she looks at Kathryn with an appreciative smile  
"thank you"

Kathryn straightened up from her position and grinned, "no problem, now how did that breakfast date go with mother and son?"

Emma blushed and told her what happened after she got off the phone with her and how she felt and how she thinks she wants  
to tell Regina what is going on with her before there friendship starts to progress because she doesn't want anyone to get  
hurt in case Regina doesn't approve and things get messy, Kathryn agrees with a pride shown in her eyes.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

E: ok all i have to do is pick up the phone, dial the number and ask her for coffee or something to talk to her but wouldn't  
that be weird? would she think its a date? I mean it kinda is but it could be a friend date, right?

Before Emma could make a decision to call or not her phone rang in her hand, confused because no one ever calls her she push  
answer and puts the phone to her ear. "hello"

"Hey, me and Belle are off work this weekend and want to hang out with you and your girlfriend this Friday, we want to go  
and have a few drinks then maybe go back to ours to play some games or watch movies, i know you don't know us but my   
girlfriend wants me to make friends and I like you so say yes and I'll text you my address and the time to be here"

Emma is very confused, "umm, who is this?"

"Its Ruby, did i not tell you this? I'm sorry, i tend to just go straight to the point and forget to say a "proper greeting"  
as my girlfriend always say, so cancel whatever you have Friday say yes, pleeaaassse?" Ruby aske pleadingly though Emma  
don't think she would take a no.

Emma sighed, "yes" she answered.

"great, I'm hanging up now and sending you the info, bring your girlfriend, bye" Ruby said then hung up.

"wait" Emma sighed.

E: I still didn't tell her that Regina wasn't my girlfriend, what is wrong with me, ugh, maybe its because Ruby left me  
speechless? I don't know but know i have to call her.

Emma goes to her contacts after saving Ruby's number then clicked Regna's number to call then put the phone to her ear  
with a deep breath.

"Hello" Regina said from the other end.

"Hey its Emma, how are you?" Emma asked not knowing how to start off.

E: Kathryn would have a field day with this.

" Hi Emma I'm good, just got done rearranging my furniture while Henry is napping, how are you?" she asked lightheartedly.

" I'm good, so I have a thing, umm, ok, please let me explain this whole thing before you react? ok?" Emma asked, afraid to  
get a negative reaction.

"ummm, oookkk" Regina drawled out confused.

" ok so you know that girl that worked at the store who you saved me from?"Emma asked.

" yyeess, i remember," Regina said following along.

" Ok, so, i seen her at a book store in the mall the other day and she started talking to me and next thing I know is that   
I'm giving her my number, she just called me wanting us to hang out with here and her girlfriend this Friday" Emma said  
then paused to let it sink in.

" Us?" Regina asked with a raised eyebrow that Emma couldn't see.

" Yeah here's the thing, Ruby, that's her name, she thinks that you are my girlfriend and i was kinda too speechless to   
correct her" Emma said nervously.

Now Regina was amused, " hmmm I see, and you couldn't call her back to correct her now because you don't want to make  
things awkward, am I right?"

Emma breath a sigh," yes I'm sorry, if you don't want to go I'll call her and tell her the truth if i could get a word in"  
Emma said with a snorted laugh giving Regina an out.

" Miss swan, are you asking me to be your fake girlfriend?" Regina asked still amused.

"I-I-I y-yes?" Emma finally said in a questioning voice suddenly more nervous then before.

Regina snorted a laugh, "I would be honored to be your fake girlfriend" 

Emma's eyes widen in surprise, " Really?"

"Yes, text me the info and we could go for lunch tomorrow to talk about Friday, I have to and cook Henry some dinner, I'll   
text about lunch tonight, talk to you later Emma"

"yeah, ok, talk to you later, thank you" Emma said.

"No problem, Bye dear"

"bye" and they hung up, Emma falls on her bed with a sigh.

E: what am I getting myself into?

to be continued.......


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is good, I felt like I was making myself write.
> 
> remember Henry is three so his speech is of a three your old.
> 
> let me know what you think, please and thank you.

" I'm glad you can come in early today, are you nervous about tonight?" Kathryn asked as she and  
Emma took their seats.

" Yes I'm pretty nervous, I've never really had people to call friends and how can I be a friend if I'm already  
lying to them?" Emma asked desperately.

" Relax Emma, you tell them who you are when you are ready and if they are good friends then they would accept   
that" Kathryn said patting Emma's hand. " and for the part that Regina and you are dating.... well I would tell them  
at some point tomorrow, off the record though i thank its pretty funny" Kathryn said with a playful smile and a wink  
to lighten the mood.

Emma playfully glared at her before smiling, Kathryn seems more of a friend then a therapist sometimes.

" Ok so lets talk business, Emma I've done some research and I want to apologize I didn't come up with this sooner,  
there's this thing called a packer, it is what it sounds like, you can wear whenever and how ever long you want, it is  
or should be comfortable to wear, here I'll give you some papers i printed out so you can look for yourself." Kathryn  
said while turning to her desk to grab the papers leaving a stunned Emma rooted to her seat.

" Um, t-thanks" Emma said all the sudden nervous about the prospect of feeling more herself for longer then a few hours  
a day.

E: I know people might see me as a crazy over emotional person for feeling the way I do with this simple thing, but they  
don't know what it is like living day by day in a depressed motion because you where born with a missing part of yourself,  
they don't understand what it's like to be me so i shouldn't care what they think, why am I worried? they aren't even here   
and It's not like I'm going to go up to some random person and say " hey so I just found out about a fake penis called a  
packer....." yeah, not gonna happen.

They talked for a bit more before their meeting was over, Kathryn asked her to come in earlier then usual because  
Emma had called saying that she had plans tonight and need to get ready around the time that the appointment was   
supposed to be, and Kathryn really needed to tell Emma about the packer in person.

___________________________________________________________

It's 5:30 and It Is almost time for the double date and Emma is standing in front of the mirror taking in her outfit  
she's wearing tonight, black skinny jeans, white tank, a black jean vest over the tank and white shoes,  
her hair is up in a high ponytail and she has on light make up, she looks good.

E: Ok so I caved, I didn't want to wait for It In the mail so I actually went inside of the sex shop, red face and all,  
they actually had packers there, I picked a few different sizes and some I can pee from, I'm excited! though the lady  
working there didn't bat in eye, I was still embarrassed though I'm glad I went through with It, this feels surreal, I am  
wearing the smaller size right now and I am hiding It good In my skinny jeans.

___________________________________________________________

6:00pm and Emma Is standing In front of Regina's door to the very nice looking apartment building, taking a deep breath   
Emma raised her hand then gave a good knock then released her breath and waited, she heard little feet rushing to the door  
then stopped as they got to the door, " It Eemma, Zee, It Eemma, open, open." she heard Henry say and she had to laugh  
to herself, he is just too cute.

E: Is there a such thing as to cute, probably not cause I don't think I'll ever get tired of his cuteness.

The door opened and Emma didn't have time to see who opened It before there was a three year old attached to her leg,  
she bend down to pic him up so he could put his arms around her neck to give a proper hug, this is the first time she   
actually held him and it made her heart swell.

E: How can something or someone so small turn me into mush, I hope this friendship last, I'm already attached to this  
little guy, though if I'm being honest with myself, I'm already attached to his mom too, ugh I have to tell her soon.

" So your the famous Emma, or should I say Eemma?" the red head at the door asked with a smirk leaning on the   
door frame with her arm crossed.

E: What?, Famous?, Right, back to reality, who is this woman and what is this smirk about? This is what I get for  
day dreaming, or just going into my own world, wait I'm doing it again.

" Huh? I mean, I'm Emma but I'm not famous" Emma said looking confused but also stuck her hand out to shake the  
other woman hand, " I'm sorry, I tend to get lost in my own head, wait that sound bad, I'm not bad, I mean...." She sighed,   
putting her hand down, irritated that she couldn't explain herself.

With a straight face the red head looked her in the eye, " Well I hope you are not bad or else I'd have to tell my sister that this   
date of yours is canceled" she said watching Emma's eyes go wide before the red head cracked a smile letting Emma know she   
is messing with her.

" Eemma not bad, Eemma good, nice to me and momma" Henry said pouting before he thought of something, " Zee, sake Eemma  
han top bein a meanie" he demanded with his hand on his hip, still being held by Emma.

Zee pouted to her nephew before offering her hand to Emma, " I'm sorry, I have to give all of my sister's dates a heard time even  
the fake ones" she said with a wink as she shake Emma's hand, " I'm Zelina, nice to meet you, I have to say< you are to cute".

E: Wait, Is she now flirting or is she being nice? she threatens me, well kinda, then flirts? ugh what do i know, someone could  
flat out tell me they want to date me and i still wouldn't know, ok maybe I just went way out on that, I think someone does have to flat   
out tell me that they want me to be their girlfriend for me to know...

They heard a voice clear and they looked up to the entrance of the apartment to see Regina standing there in black jeans, a silk  
maroon button up shirt, maroon heels, light make up, red lips and her short hair is down in her natural waves, Emma is momentarily  
speechless.

E: God she is breathtaking, ok so maybe I'm more attached then I realized, ok take a breath and do NOT drop Henry, I'm  
ok, I'm ok, I can do this, ugh what is wrong with me?.

" Zee, why haven't you invite Emma inside?' Regina asked rolling her eye's before turning to Emma, as she looked at Emma   
she also became speechless for a few seconds though she recovered quickly" I-I'm" she cleared her throat and composed  
herself " I'm sorry about my sister, she was raised in a barn" she joked and glad that it got a laugh from Emma.

" Zee was in a barn wit amimals?" Henry asked with wide eyes making the three adults laugh and Henry look confused.

" Come on Henry, lets go get popcorn and get the movie ready" Zee said taking the pouty boy from Emma's arms and letting Regina   
give him his lovins before they went inside.

" I am sorry about my sister" Regina said once they where alone.

" Oh, it's ok, she wasn't that bad, you look beautiful" Emma said shyly,

Regina blushed, " thank you, so do you, I love the black and white theme, if I'd known I'd dressed in the same colors"

" Oh, no, don't worry about it, your outfit is amazing, i mean it suits you real well" Emma said with a red face.

E: Great, lay it on her real thick, why don't the ground swallow me know, yep, she is gonna think your a creep.

Regina blushed again but this time she holds a little smirk, " Thank you, Em, your outfit really suits you too" she said  
then cleared her throat and gestured with her hand to Emma's car, " shall we?"

" Um, yeah, thanks, yeah, lets go" Emma fumbled out before holding her arm out for Regina to take before leading her to her car.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add Zelina last minute, hope it was good....


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like

They are in the car Emma still driving, they are quiet, each in there own thoughts.

' I can't believe how natural it looked with Emma and Henry, I feel like this is a real date,  
I wonder if Emma would want that with me?' Regina thoughts keep circling on the "date"  
and how she felt the first time she saw Emma in the store looking lost, 'she is adorable'

'Why am I so nervous, it's not like this is a real date, but I want it to be, I wonder if she  
wants to date me? I have to tell her about me first though, I didn't think about it then because  
of my stuff I'm dealing with but the day she helped me in the store was the day i started to  
have feelings for her, I just haven't noticed until this "date" oh boy'

" so, your sister is... interesting" 'seriously Emma, you could come up with something better  
then that'

Regina laughed, " that she is, she thinks she has to be the "big sister" when Killian, our  
" big brother" is out of town" she said with an amused look on her face.

"Oh where did he go? if you don't mind me asking" Emma asked.

" Not at all, he is at a police seminar in Boston" Regina said with pride, she doesn't  
know why they didn't talk about that when they had coffee to go over their plan for tonight.

___________________________________________________

They made it to the bar where they decided to meet the couple, Emma told Regina to wait   
then got out of the drivers side to run to Regina's side then opened the door for her and   
helped her out of the car. Regina interlaced their fingers as they walked to the entrance,  
both had a smile on their face.

They walked in both looking around, Regina spotted the girl from the store first," is that her?"   
Regina asked pointing at the booth in the corner.

"Yeah, that's her" Emma said nervously.

" Come, it well be alright, I'm right here" Regina said like she understands her nerviousness  
which warmed her heart and calmed her down.

They walked to the booth noticing the girl next to her who must be her girlfriend, as they walked to   
the couple and when Ruby noticed them she jumped up and hugged Emma excitedly," you came,  
and you brought the hottie" Ruby said as she pulled back to wiggle her eyebrow.

Both Regina and Emma blushed and the woman still sitting in the booth cleared her throat, "and what  
does that make me" she said with a raise of her own eyebrow.

Ruby sat down next to her and put her arms around her and kissed her lips, "you are the most beautiful   
woman that ever walked the earth" she said with a wicked smile.

Belle smirked, "better" she said kissing her back before turning to the couple who is still standing,  
"sorry for my rude girlfriend, please sit, I'm Belle, nice to finally meeting you" she said as she put   
her hand out to be shake when the other two women sat down.

Regina took her hand first, " oh its fine, I'm Regina and this is my girlfriend Emma" Regina said as she  
let go so Belle could shake Emma's hand, both Regina and Emma blushed at the title.

Emma shook Belle's hand on auto pilot as she thought on how the title "girlfriend" made her feel,  
'that would be awesome to be her girlfriend someday... focus Emma, focus' " nice to meet you too"

They all got their drinks and Emma insist on buying Regina's since she asked her to this "date"  
Regina conceded this time at least, 'this time? it's like I think there is going to be other dates,   
maybe there well...' Regina thought with a smile.

_____________________________________________________________

All of them are a little tipsy as they make it to Ruby's house, they decided to go on with the plan  
to do some drinking game at her house so the bought shot glasses and a couple of bottles of  
fireball.

They sittled around the coffee table with Ruby and Emma sitting in bean bags on the floor and  
Regina and Bella on the couch, " ok, so what should we play?" Belle asked.

"Oh truth or dare" Ruby said excitedly.

Belle rolled her eye's, " Come on, babe, not that, at least not tonight< how about something to get   
to know each other?" she asked.

Everyone started thinking, "Um, I never played never have I ever..." Emma said.

"Oh, good one, babe, please?" Ruby said with puppy dog eye's.

Belle rolled her eye's for what seemed like a millionth time that night, " that sounds good,  
Regina?" Belle asked as all eye's turned to Regina.

"That sound fun to me" she said staring into Emma's eyes for a moment until she realized  
what she was doing and looked away, "who is going to start"

"I will, babe, poor us a shot please" Ruby asked with a grin, Belle conceded and hands everyone  
their drinks, " so I would say never have I ever... and if you have done it, you take a shot, like, never  
have i ever.....kissed a girl, if you have you drink" she explained for Emma and took her shot,  
everyone took that as their que that it started and took their shots.

"Ruby" Belle said with an affectionate sigh, "I guess I will go next, never have I ever...skinny dipping" 

Ruby and Regina took the shot, "Ok, Ruby I know was from her high school year's and it was a dare,  
but Regina? spell, " Bell said as Emma stared at Regina trying to not picture it right now, she is gonna   
have to cool down.

Regina laughed, " well, me and my friends went camping the summer after graduation and we had to  
go find some sticks to build a fire and as I was picking one up I looked up and there was a stunk and  
it scared me so threw the stick I just picked up at it and next thing I know I have been sprayed, my   
friends decide to play with me and tell me that the only way to get rid of the stink is to bath in the   
pond naked, so in my frantic state I listened and took everything off and jumped in the pond, lets  
just say I had to rethink my friend group," she said with a laugh and everyone joined in.

"Ok I guess I go next, never have I ever...slept with someone to hide from yourself?" Regina asked  
as she took a shot, she doesn't know why she went so deep there, maybe she just want to bare  
herself for the first time with this group.

Belle and Emma did their shots too.....

TO BE CONTINUED........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliff hanger, to tell you the truth it is getting late and I have work early in the morning..


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm late but here. I hope you like this chapter.
> 
> I just got some bad news so Idk if I'll be writing much  
> not that I've been writing much and again I'm sorry

After they took their shot Belle went first in explaining her time with  
a man a lot older then her.

"well I was in college aand i was struggling with my feeling for Ruby,  
we have grown up together and we were best friend, when we went  
to separate college I realized how much I miss her and didn't know all  
these feelings I was having so I decided to go out and try to forget,  
I went to a bar down the road, in hour there and this older rich guy  
came up to me and asked to buy a drink, we dated for like a month  
before anything happened between use and the reason I did because  
I didn't want to admit to myself or others I was gay, I was scared of  
what my college life would be like and scared of loosing Ruby from  
my life so I tried to be straight and thought sleeping with a man  
would help, lets just say after that night I never seen him again,  
I was to ashamed and didn't even break up with him because  
I just didn't want to hear or see him again... so there's that".

Belle felt a little uncomfortable sharing that part of her life but also feels  
good to get it out, she trust these women though she isn't sure they are  
actually dating... yet, she knows Ruby and knowing her and her bubbly  
personality, she assumes she didn't leave enough room for Emma to  
explain her relationship statues, It happens a lot, it even happened  
with a couple of women they met who was actually straight, it amuses  
Belle a lot how Ruby does it, eight out of ten times she does this, she ends  
up being a match maker, even when Ruby is oblivious of what she is doing,  
Belle is just happy to watch things unfold and see the results and she hopes  
she is around these two women long enough to watch them fall in love.

"Okay, I guess I'll go next," Regina begins, "Well I'll start by saying my mother  
is kinda pushy, she means well and she loves me but she always dreamed of her  
daughters finding a man to take care of them and have a family, I always felt different,  
I would get these crushes on some of my friends who are girls growing up but I was  
always scared to do anything about it, scared to tell my mother because she would  
always talked about me being with a man, so as I became an adult I put my focus on  
my schooling then my Job, my mother was worried that I'd be alone all my life so she  
set up a blind date with her stable hand Daniel, he was so kind and such a gentleman,  
so I gave him a chance, we dated for three years, I never really loved him an the way he  
deserved and he understood, he came out to me in he second years as trans, we wore  
more like best friends then lovers so he trusted me and I trusted him, I became pregnant  
before he started his process with hormone pills," She took a deep breath to get through  
this next part and stilled the tears that are trying to escape," He-he died during the transition,  
his body wasn't able to handle it," she broke down putting her face in her hands then she felt  
more then one set of arms around her.

They stayed like that for a while, they are now sober from the admission, no one knows what to say or  
think, they know there isn't enough I'm sorry for your loss that well make it better so they just  
held her until she stops crying.

she finally calmed down enough to look up to her 'friends?' to see understanding and support  
and it warms her heart," I'm sorry for ruining our night," She said in a cracked voice.

Everyone shook their heads as they let her go and all set down around her, Belle still beside he,  
Emma on her other side and Ruby on Belles other side, Emma answered first.

"you don't have to apologize, plus you didn't ruin anything, I'm for one am glad that I get to know  
some thing in your past that makes you who you are know and I am sorry for what you've been  
through, I am also here for you if you need someone to talk to," Emma said sincerely.

Regina looked up with a watery smile and connected their eyes, she took a deep breath at the  
sincerety in those green eyes, she is lost in the deep of it and leans in a little, closer to Emma,  
she jumps back a little at the clearing of a throat and blushed.

Emma too is blushing, she doesn't know what's going on with her and Regina tonight but  
she knows she has to tell her about what is going on in her life, she has hope though,  
especially after hearing about Daniel, 'I wonder if she did fall in love with 'her' when she  
found out that he is really a she? I guess its a question for another time'.

The person who cleared her throat is none other then Belle she hates to break up what was  
about to happened but she felt she had to for the situation they are in right now." you didn't ruin  
anything and I'm glad that you felt like you can share with use, we are also here for you if you  
need," Belle said and Ruby nodded in agreement,

"Yeah, your in good hand here," Ruby said with a reassuring smile.

\-------------------------------------

They called it a night after the break down and promise to get together soon, Emma was  
thankful that she didn't have to spill her secret in that sitting and also thankful that Regina didn't  
have to continue after the emotional break down.

Regina is also thankful, she hasn't talked much about that time because she feels guilty and she  
did love Danial who was going to change his name after the transformation to Danielle, she helped  
hime pick it, he wanted to keep his name close to what his parents named him so she thought of  
that name, he loved it.

On the ride it was quiet again, both in their thoughts again, they got to Regina's house and Emma parked,  
she waisted no time getting out to go around to help Regina out of the car, she held her hand as they walked  
to the front door of the house, they let go of each others hands and Regina turned to give Emma a shy smile.

"Thank you for tonight, I had fun for the most part," Regina said wringing her hands and looked down a little  
"Umm, I was wondering if you want to go out again? on a real date," she asked nervously, she looked up  
after asking and the look on Emma's face has her backtracking," I'm sorry, I thought.. I'm sorry, I most be  
reading things wro.." 

"No, no, your not reading things wrong, Its just if we are going to date, I have some things to tell you first,  
umm, yo-you may not want me after," Emma said sadly.

Regina now has hope, she wonders what is it that Emma thinks I wont want her," hey, I'm sure anything  
you have to tell me won't make me not want to date you but, when you are ready then I'll be glad to listen".

"Umm, what about we have coffee tomorrow at my place, or here and we could talk?' Emma asked,  
her insecurity showing overtime.

"Your place is fine, I'll have Zee to watch Henry, noon sound good?" Regina ask, she is glad to be  
getting to know Emma, she just hopes whatever it is that Emma is going to tell here isn't to bad.

"Yes, that would be good, I'll text you my address, um, could I hug you goodnight?"

"Yes you may," Regina said with a small smile.

Emma stepped closer and they hugged, it was a bit longer then Regina thought it would  
be but she doesn't mind, when they pulled apart Emma kissed her on the cheeks, with a blush  
she hastily turned to leave missing the blush on Regina's face, her big smile and the way she  
has her hand on her cheeks.

TO BE CONTINUED.............

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you think, comments and kudos encourage me!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think??


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